The softer-side of self-definition

I think there is going to be a theme to my blog (and maybe my life right now?)--Who, in the heck, am I? (I have to tell you that the use of "heck" right there was a silent, yet forceful rebellion against my mother. Sometimes I just love to color outside the lines.) I figure that this self-definition passion of mine stems from one overriding truth--in 2005 I will turn 30-years-old. This is the only age I have neared that has caused people to ask me, "Oh, you are turning 30 this year. How do you feel about it?" The irony, of course, is I don't think I thought about until I was first asked this question.

So here are the things turning 30 has forced me to think about

1. Should I continue to sleep past noon on Saturdays? Don't I have some type of pressing activity that I should be doing besides sleeping?

This is the type of question that I begin thinking about and then Brad and I have this "conversation" (usually around 1:10 p.m. on a Saturday)--
Jami (while quickly springing to an upright position in her very comfy new mattress): Brad, it is nearly 1:30. We are complete losers. What a horrendous life we are leading!
Brad (grunting): Huh! We (snore) are not (snore) losers.
Jami (flinging backward and knocking Brad in the eye with her elbow): Oh, I am so sorry. Are you O.K.?
Brad (holding his eye and limping to the bathroom): Just don't touch me. Do not touch me.

I still haven't figured this one out. Am I wasting my life my sleeping incredibly late? What do those morning people do that I should be doing?

2. I am nearly 30 and I do not have children; shouldn't my house and car be cleaner?

I am sure that if woke up earlier on Saturday I could clean my house and my car. But I really don't want to--Does that make me an irresponsible child?

3. Tonight I had Chex mix, ice cream, French fries, and a Coke for dinner.

This is really just a confession. I figured I would throw this one in here since I just told you my house and car are filthy.

4. And, drum roll please, shouldn't we have started thinking about children by now? Shouldn't we already have a few? Everyone else does.

See above. I think I live like a child. In order to have one, Brad and I would really have to clean up the spare bedroom. I mean, really clean it. Are we ready for that much work? Especially when I damage his retina almost every Saturday morning. Wouldn't a child require like clean clothes, and like good food and stuff? If I can do that much damage to Brad's eye, think of what my clumsiness might do to a child!

So this is the mess of me. Always nearly falling apart at the seams--yet somehow keeping it all together. Organized and unorganized at the same time (I'll discuss my obsessive compulsive tendencies later--yes, I am a slob and an obsessive compulsive--it can happen). I guess I just thought by 30 I would be different--together somehow. Maybe 30 will not change me--Maybe I am just going to have to love myself as is, clumsiness, sleepiness, and sloppiness and all.