An Ode to Matt Elliott
O.K., O.K., I'll do another blog entry, and in this one bubble baths will not be mentioned, I promise. (Except for the one time I just now mentioned them; just that once, though, I promise). Matt Elliott has threatened to take my link off his blog if I do not write, so here I am, writing out of fear that a man who apparently has found a way to make blogging an occupation will take my name off his blog links. I do not know why I possess this fear; is it leftover from junior high? If I am not on his list, I am not cool? Probably. I have many leftovers from junior high. I guess that is why I have chosen to teach there. So here goes. . .
My Leftovers from Junior High:
1. A fear of the dining hall. One day a few years ago some smart teacher (probably me) had the idea that we should eat with our students one day in the cafeteria. I remember that I initially thought it was a grand idea; I generally adore talking to my students in more relaxed settings. However, when I entered the cafeteria, my stomach lurched, my palms started to sweat, and a bitter taste entered my mouth. Who would I sit with? Would anyone ask me to sit with them? What if I sat down and no one talked to me? Or worse, what if I sat down and they looked at me with disgust? I remember I wandered around for a awhile, and then finally sat at the teacher table. I just could not bring myself to do it. I don't know how I did it in junior high, and I don't know how the kids do it today. Too much pressure!
2. Acne. Today I have five zits (that I know of) on my face. I have a partnership (mine usually come in twos) on the left side of my mouth, one under my lip, one on my cheek, and one on my jawline. I had horrendous acne in junior high. My mother promised me I would grow out of it. Apparently not. I no longer use Retin-A (which never really worked any way; it just makes your skin red, peely, and greasy-- I preferred the acne) or tetracycline, and I am able to control it most of the time with regular face masks (in the you-know-what) and Pro-Activ (love that stuff and highly recommend it; plus Jessica Simpson uses it!). But sometimes, my skin just erupts. A few years ago I was even blessed with an enormous one on the tip of my nose for the first day of school. If you look closely (please don't), I still have a tiny scar from that one.
3. Occasional weird clothing choices. In junior high it was the sweater from K-mart with the penguins prancing across the front (at least my friend Heather found it hilarious), the entire orange outfit, the paisley jeans, and countless pairs of stirrup pants (coupled with very large sweaters, of course). Now it is the black and white print (kind of reminiscent of a cow) capri pants that hugged my curves a little too tightly (I wore those on the nose zit day--my goodness!), the cherry print capris (I should not be left alone in T.J. Maxx), the black pencil thin skirt I bought with a girdle (yes, a girdle) and a promise to myself that I would lose weight soon, and some sweaters with things sewn into them (not all of them that I've worn were purchased by my mother-in-law). I remember being in the mall one day when I was wearing a particularly loud sweater, a black skirt, and boots and thinking--Oh my goodness, I have become a middle-aged elementary school teacher (not that there is anything wrong with middle-aged elementary school teachers; my mother is one and most of the women I admire most in the world are middle-aged elementary school teachers. I just don't want to look like one yet.).
4. A love of Dorritos and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. This was my lunch during junior high. We had a student center (not to be confused with the Student Family Life Center; it was an old classroom with a microwave and refrigerator that the student council ran) that I frequented during my junior high years. My mother would give me money for food and since I was incredibly responsible and concerned with nutrition, I would purchase a bag of Dorritos and a super-size Reese's Peanut Butter Cup for lunch every day. And sometimes I would get a Slush Puppy. Now, I can't have this for lunch daily. Not only would it probably send me into some kind of sugar shock, but I would probably weigh over 200 lbs. Still, though, there is nothing that gives me more joy than chips and chocolate (in moderation, of course).
5. The feeling that my thighs are enormous. In junior high, I was as tall as I am now (5'7 ish)
and between 100 and 115 lbs. I was no where near fat; however, I remember staring at myself and comparing myself to others and feeling morbidly obese. It did not change my eating habits (see above), but it affected most of my thoughts during the day. Now, I am much larger than I was then (I wont tell you how many lbs.), and I don't dwell on my weight or looks as much as I did then (except on six zit days), but I still look at my thighs in horror, sheer horror. I have learned, therefore, to look at my thighs rarely if ever. It is working for me.
6. A love of young adult literature. When I was in junior high, I did not call it "young adult literature," but I adored reading these books from the time I read some book about loonies (or goonies?) on a camping trip (it had kissing in it!) to the time I was forced to read classics like the fabulous Grapes of Wrath. S.E. Hinton, the author of The Outsiders, was my favorite. I still adore them and reading them takes up most of the reading time left over from grad. school. Now I like Mildred Taylor, Walter Dean Myers, Jacqueline Woodson, Lois Lowry, Lois Duncan, and the list goes on. There is some really great stuff happening in the young adult genre. At times, I think it is more exciting than what is happening with adult lit. Most of the time, I think it is more exciting.
I like to think I am more mature than I was in junior high, that I am more self-actualized, that I feel better about myself, and most of the time I think I am more mature, self-actualized, and self-assured. The junior high days, though, occasionally creep back in. I look around and I wonder what people are thinking about me, how I fit in, if I am incredibly weird, will people like me, do people like me, etc. My mother promises me that it gets better when you turn 40. But, remember what she said about the acne? I'm not holding my breath.
My Leftovers from Junior High:
1. A fear of the dining hall. One day a few years ago some smart teacher (probably me) had the idea that we should eat with our students one day in the cafeteria. I remember that I initially thought it was a grand idea; I generally adore talking to my students in more relaxed settings. However, when I entered the cafeteria, my stomach lurched, my palms started to sweat, and a bitter taste entered my mouth. Who would I sit with? Would anyone ask me to sit with them? What if I sat down and no one talked to me? Or worse, what if I sat down and they looked at me with disgust? I remember I wandered around for a awhile, and then finally sat at the teacher table. I just could not bring myself to do it. I don't know how I did it in junior high, and I don't know how the kids do it today. Too much pressure!
2. Acne. Today I have five zits (that I know of) on my face. I have a partnership (mine usually come in twos) on the left side of my mouth, one under my lip, one on my cheek, and one on my jawline. I had horrendous acne in junior high. My mother promised me I would grow out of it. Apparently not. I no longer use Retin-A (which never really worked any way; it just makes your skin red, peely, and greasy-- I preferred the acne) or tetracycline, and I am able to control it most of the time with regular face masks (in the you-know-what) and Pro-Activ (love that stuff and highly recommend it; plus Jessica Simpson uses it!). But sometimes, my skin just erupts. A few years ago I was even blessed with an enormous one on the tip of my nose for the first day of school. If you look closely (please don't), I still have a tiny scar from that one.
3. Occasional weird clothing choices. In junior high it was the sweater from K-mart with the penguins prancing across the front (at least my friend Heather found it hilarious), the entire orange outfit, the paisley jeans, and countless pairs of stirrup pants (coupled with very large sweaters, of course). Now it is the black and white print (kind of reminiscent of a cow) capri pants that hugged my curves a little too tightly (I wore those on the nose zit day--my goodness!), the cherry print capris (I should not be left alone in T.J. Maxx), the black pencil thin skirt I bought with a girdle (yes, a girdle) and a promise to myself that I would lose weight soon, and some sweaters with things sewn into them (not all of them that I've worn were purchased by my mother-in-law). I remember being in the mall one day when I was wearing a particularly loud sweater, a black skirt, and boots and thinking--Oh my goodness, I have become a middle-aged elementary school teacher (not that there is anything wrong with middle-aged elementary school teachers; my mother is one and most of the women I admire most in the world are middle-aged elementary school teachers. I just don't want to look like one yet.).
4. A love of Dorritos and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. This was my lunch during junior high. We had a student center (not to be confused with the Student Family Life Center; it was an old classroom with a microwave and refrigerator that the student council ran) that I frequented during my junior high years. My mother would give me money for food and since I was incredibly responsible and concerned with nutrition, I would purchase a bag of Dorritos and a super-size Reese's Peanut Butter Cup for lunch every day. And sometimes I would get a Slush Puppy. Now, I can't have this for lunch daily. Not only would it probably send me into some kind of sugar shock, but I would probably weigh over 200 lbs. Still, though, there is nothing that gives me more joy than chips and chocolate (in moderation, of course).
5. The feeling that my thighs are enormous. In junior high, I was as tall as I am now (5'7 ish)
and between 100 and 115 lbs. I was no where near fat; however, I remember staring at myself and comparing myself to others and feeling morbidly obese. It did not change my eating habits (see above), but it affected most of my thoughts during the day. Now, I am much larger than I was then (I wont tell you how many lbs.), and I don't dwell on my weight or looks as much as I did then (except on six zit days), but I still look at my thighs in horror, sheer horror. I have learned, therefore, to look at my thighs rarely if ever. It is working for me.
6. A love of young adult literature. When I was in junior high, I did not call it "young adult literature," but I adored reading these books from the time I read some book about loonies (or goonies?) on a camping trip (it had kissing in it!) to the time I was forced to read classics like the fabulous Grapes of Wrath. S.E. Hinton, the author of The Outsiders, was my favorite. I still adore them and reading them takes up most of the reading time left over from grad. school. Now I like Mildred Taylor, Walter Dean Myers, Jacqueline Woodson, Lois Lowry, Lois Duncan, and the list goes on. There is some really great stuff happening in the young adult genre. At times, I think it is more exciting than what is happening with adult lit. Most of the time, I think it is more exciting.
I like to think I am more mature than I was in junior high, that I am more self-actualized, that I feel better about myself, and most of the time I think I am more mature, self-actualized, and self-assured. The junior high days, though, occasionally creep back in. I look around and I wonder what people are thinking about me, how I fit in, if I am incredibly weird, will people like me, do people like me, etc. My mother promises me that it gets better when you turn 40. But, remember what she said about the acne? I'm not holding my breath.
posted by Jami | 6:55 AM
2 Comments:
Praise God, I can breathe now! I've sincerely longed for a posting from you for over a month now. I second Matt's pleading for you to stay in the blog world MUCH more often. ;) I absolutely LOVE your writing. I think it's as smart, funny and lovable as the Bridget Jones movies. I SOOOO relate to all of your assessments (well, except for the middle-aged junior high teacher section). For the love of the free world...keep 'em comin' Jami!!!
Cool -- I got an ode!
Jami, about your enormous thigh issues -- (that's enormous ISSUES, not thighs!) -- this is where you need the wisdom of Anne Lamott. She refers to her thighs as the "aunties", and she's decided to not embarrassed by them any longer but to take them out on walks and slather them with lotion from time to time. For one of my favorite Lamott excerpts about taking the aunties to the beach, click here. Anne should be able to help -- to some degree, at least.
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